My final thoughts on breastfeeding

Sorry to any male readers if this makes you uncomfortable, I’m going to talk about breastfeeding!! 

For the record, I have adored breastfeeding!  I always thought it would be weird to breastfeed but the minute the nurse introduced me to Stella I was hooked.  It was so natural, like I was made for this!  The first few weeks were a painful, wet, soggy mess but once we muddled through that and Stella and I figured out what the heck to do, it was so rewarding! Around week 2 I could totally see why people dont want to do it, but once we got the hang of it, we rocked it out!  I love the way she looks up at me and smiles, I love her little hands as they reach out to grab my shirt and hang on.  I LOVE when she falls asleep in my arms, safe and happy.  The list could go on and on.  The one thing I wasn’t quite prepared for was how it can be a loney thing too.  If you know me at all, you know I do not like to be left alone or left out of the fun.  🙂 It was quite an adjustement for me to have to get up and leave a room full of people and go sit with Stella to nurse.  I would drag poor Barrett away from the fun too just so I would have someone to talk to while I fed her.  I was so proud when we went to the first doctor appointment and the doctor told us what a great job we were doing and that Stella was at a great weight and that we didn’t need to change a thing! It wasn’t until recently that I’d been thinking that Stella could possibly be over breastfeeding.  It’s crazy how babies have their way of communicating their wants and needs.  We made the decision to stop breastfeeding for a few reasons, the biggest one being that Stella just wasn’t getting enough food from me alone anymore.  The other reasons were mostly about convience, especially working full time in a small department.  My coworkers will be happy when I don’t need so many breaks anymore! I was really feeling like I was ready to give up pumping/breastfeeding.  I never really cared for pumping in the beginning and now that my milk production has started to go down too, it just all seemed to be lining up for us to quit.  But now that the time has come to back off, I find myself kind of sad!  This week I cut back to pumping only 2 times at work instead of 3 and then next week just once around lunch time.  You would think I would be hapy to not have this responsibility.  This is what we talked about.  This is what I wanted.  But its so much harder then I thought it would be.  I am having a hard time letting go.  I know Stella needs more then I can give her and she sleeps so much better when we bottle feed her the breastmilk instead of me feeding her, but it makes me a little sad.  She’s growing up!  I already miss the times when I fed her until her little heart’s content! Now she’s a squiggly, squirmy worm trying to get more then I have to give.  So I know this is the next step.  I do.  And I’m proud of what I’ve been able to give her up to this point.  I’m learning that there is never a perfect right answer or a perfect right way to do things.  You have to do the best you can, with what you have, when you have it.  Stella is loved beyond belief and she is healthy and happy.  What more could I ask for?  God has been so good to us.  We are so blessed.  I’ll end my breastfeeding on that note.  A happy, healthy, blessed note. 🙂

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